Absolute Fuccfest
by Kream45
Summary: Oloro and Omnath fight against Sigarda and Avacyn. The fight starts like every other, but then it becomes retarded and ends with a somewhat idiotic result.


**/My ingenious friend has suggested this idea to me. His decks are Oloro/Omnath, and mine are Avacyn/Sigarda. As you can see, we both like to play with cancer./**

 **/EDIT: Lol, Omnath can't even be picked as a character for the story./**

Oloro and Omnath were standing in front of Sigarda and Avacyn, with a vast, empty space between them.

"Alright Omnath, here's the plan." Oloro said, "I'm gonna sit on my ass and do nothing at all, and you ramp and play big stuff, alright?"

"I do believe that is a good idea, indeed, in fact, actually." Omnath replied.

On the other side of the battlefield, the two angels were discussing their tactics.

"So I'm gonna pump myself to ridiculous level of cancer and kill them with commander damage, and if anything goes wrong, you will destroy their whole board, is that fine?" Sigarda asked.

"Fuck niggers." Avacyn said.

"Hey that's not very nice, but I like the enthusiasm in your voice."

And then they started.

"Alright, so before we begin, I have Leyline of Anticipation in my hand, so I'm gonna start with it on the battlefield." Oloro said.

"Yeah, whatever." Sigarda replied.

"Forest, Llanowar Elves." Omnath said.

"Fetch, tap to find pain land, Sol Ring, Azorius Signet, pass." Oloro said.

"You fuckers have prepared your hands." Sigarda noticed, "Right, Avacyn?"

"Gingers have no soul." Avacyn replied.

"Bitch we're no cheaters." Omnath said, "Go on now."

Then Sigarda has played her turn.

"Forest, Exploration, Fetch, tap to find check land, Sol Ring."

"Plains, Sol Ring, Pearl Medallion." Avacyn said.

"That's fucking retarded, I'm not playing." Oloro stated.

"Yeah, those two are GAY." Omnath added.

"Hey, why don't we just start with all lands and ramp on the battlefield, and then draw thirty cards?" Sigarda suggested, "What do you think, Avacyn?"

"I think that Asians have really small penises."

Oloro and Omnath have processed the idea for a moment.

"Alright, we can dig that." Oloro said, "Let's do this."

And so they took out all their lands and ramp on the battlefield, and drew thirty cards.

"I'm gonna play myself." Sigarda said, "Spirit Mantle, Shield of the Oversoul, Battle Mastery, Eldrazi Conscription…"

"Holy shit." Oloro sighed.

"Don't worry, she doesn't have haste, we can still defend ourselves." Omnath stated.

"I'm gonna tap all my lands and play Armageddon." Avacyn said, "Oh and also, fuck niggers."

"I'm done playing." Oloro said.

"Me too." Omnath added.

"Hey, it's not done yet." Avacyn said, "Then I'm gonna play Hour of Revalation, and then Day of Judgement."

"I don't know if you're aware, but you've just destroyed me and all my fucking enchantments, as well as all of our lands." Sigarda got mad.

"Umm…" Avacyn scratched her head, "Fuck niggers?"

"RHAGRHAGRARGHARGHRAG!" Sigarda screamed in rage and took out a machine gun and sprayed bullets at Avacyn, but she was indestructible, lol, "FUCK YOU AVACYN!"

"Hey, at least I'm not black." Avacyn replied.

"Umm, this game was really shit." Omnath said.

"Yeah, it was idiotic and pointless, just like you, Avacyn." Oloro added.

"Hey, but… please don't call me names, or else I will call the police." Avacyn got sad.

"You're dumb and racist." Sigarda said.

"But… but…" Avacyn mumbled, "I thought everyone liked racist jokes…"

"No, those weren't racist jokes, you're just expressing your hate towards people of other races." Omnath told her.

And then Avacyn cried, because everyone was mean towards her.

"Well, I guess this is over." Sigarda shrugged, "What shall we do?"

"We can end this story with some sort of a moral." Oloro suggested.

"I know!" Avacyn suddenly stopped crying and put her hand up, "The moral is…"

"Avacyn, I swear, if you say it…" Sigarda threatened her.

"… that niggers are cool!" Avacyn ended her sentence.

"Oh, that wasn't so bad." Sigarda admitted.

"Yeah, I'm proud of you, Avacyn." Oloro said, "You've finally noticed that black people are alright."

"I guess it's all good, that you've overcome your sins, Avacyn." Omnath said.

"… but that was a racist joke, I actually hate niggers." Avacyn stated, but then Oloro exiled her.

 **THE END**

Lol this turned out way more idiotic than I thought it would.

Excuse me, did I say idiotic? I meant retarded. Yeah.


End file.
